One day I was roaming around the internet, when I saw a pop up ad for FREE POKEMON RUBY! I loved the Pokemon games growing up so I clicked on it almost immediately. It asked me for my credit card information, age, address, sex, age, sexual orientation and occupation.
all of which I entered without a second thought. Later that day a man dressed in all black came to my house and gave me a purple dildo. I wasn't too smart but I was smart enough to know this wasn't Pokemon ruby.
If it was it would fit in my GBA. It only fit in my ass. Since my credit card was now empty I scraped together what little cash I had because I still wanted to play Pokemon Ruby. I went to my local GameStop and asked the guy at the counter if he had any copies of Pokemon ruby. "Yeah," he said, "I think so" he went into the back room and came out holding a copy of Pokemon ruby with a nervous expression on his face.
He handed it to me "It's on the house." I was shocked with shock, but i wan't going to turn down an offer like this. I got home and This time, it fit in My GBA. It started up Pokemon ruby except the title screen showed Groudon with hyper-realistic blood coming from his eyes, his mouth and his ass and it said Pokemon HELLDEATH. I shrugged this off as a glitch and kept going.
The graphics seemed too real for a GBA. I could see everything in my trainer's room perfectly. From the lamp on the desk, to my incredibly sexy posters of all the starters and even the dildo... The same dildo I got when I ordered the game. I thought nothing of it. Probably just a glitch, but not glitch, because I realized that there is a cult that they are all a part of.
The Satan cult! I saw Satan come out of the dildo in game, and then he disappeared. I Felt a dark presence behind me. It was Satan. Satan looked at me. "I GOING KILL YOU" I screamed. Then, I had an idea. "Satan," I said. "Let's make a deal," Satan looked at me. "I'M LISTENING." I took a deep breath.
"Whoever can earn more pika points on Hey You Pikachu in an hour will win. If I win, I'll get to live. If you win, you can kill me. Satan nodded. "SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA." He rubbed the dildo until it jizzed out an N64. "Doesn't this game need a mic." Satan pointed to the dildo. "THIS THING HAS MORE THAN ONE USE." I nodded.
After Satan got a daring day, he spoke into the dildo, and unfortunately it wasn't any better than a regular N64 microphone. When Satan's turn was over, he had 420.76457836457634795634795673465076x34-123 pika points. The entire time I was playing I was screaming at Satan's magic dildo to try and get pikachu to do something. I came out satisfied as I managed to get 14182.99566439559583053 pika points.
Satan sighed "I GUESS YOU WIN... I'M NOT GOING TO KILL YOU. BUT I WILL DO THIS!" He turned my left big toe into a dildo and vanished. I will now have this minor inconvenience for the rest of my life.